its incredibly astounding to me...how incredibly easy it is to forget...the things i wish not to forget...and to remember that which i wish i would forget.
the mind is a curious thing. i think sometimes it enjoys the pangs...of pulling something horrific from within the deep recesses which we thought were hidden, and yet, so incredibly close to the surface its almost like suffocating.
i do not enjoy the feeling of suffocating.
and sometimes i think i'm doing it to myself.
maybe its a bout of cold feet.
maybe its leftover little girl fairytales which refuse to mesh with reality.
i'm not sure what it is...but its getting on my nerves now.
there's a set date.
an actual date.
instead of...speculation...
and just...'winging' it...
and frankly...it makes me...sorta suffocate just a bit.
there's moment when its exciting...and others where it feels like...'oh fuck, what did i do'
i'm sort of volleying between the sensations.
and yannow, then there's the whole...his mother is coming to visit for a week in june...
which makes me want to shoot my face off.
she drives me...crazy.
absolutely. 100% crazy.
probably because she's crazy...and he's going to be at work for most of it...
while i'll be stuck. with. her.
*remembers to breathe*
he gets along with my family.
which is a good thing.
i dig his dad...and absolutely adore his cousin Crys. she's fabulously awesome.
his mother...makes me want to be Helen Keller.
and that's putting things mildly.
yet...i'll smile.
i'll grin.
i'll grit my teeth.
i'll bear it...
because thats what you do with family.
even the psychotically insane members of your family.
or...so i've been told.
its not the end of the world.
its not the end of my sanity.
even if it feels...such...
for only a moment.
this moment will pass.
they always do.
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