moment

i'm having a Melissa moment.
i haven't had one in awhile.
she used to be, i suppose you could say...the muse of my life.
a personal mantra.

i've been having a recurring dream.
it really could sort out to be a fabulous story...but i won't write it down.
every angle is first person, which would make it an impossibility...
i will admit its intriguing to toy with to say the least.

i fell in love with a house today.
the kind that made my chest ache, and even my eyes grow slightly wet just from browsing thru it's breath-taking pictures.
i don't need a million dollar house, but lemme tell you...if we qualified for that house...i mighta bought it.
although when i think about it...cleaning that gorgeous monstrosity would kill me.
and while there was land, it wasn't fenced, so it wasn't practical.

all hail the queen of practical.
when did i grow up? *sigh*

so instead of crying or being upset about it...i recognised it for what it was.
an absolutely beautiful impractical dream.

i'm sending out a message to myself, so that when i hear it on the radio...i will know that i am fine. i will know that i am loved.

yeah that sums it up perfectly.
sometimes i just need to remind myself of the things that are truly important.

am i nervous and rattled?
sure. yet i really must say, i don't have the time for such trivialities.
i have a house to pack.
i have children to educate.

i don't have time for whimsical dreams and wishful thinking...
those days are long since past.
perhaps not long since past...temporarily tabled.
yes. that's perfect.

i enjoy the silence here.
i often forget such a place exists.
where i can close my eyes and let the words fly as they may from my fingertips...without having to worry about the land of 'others'.
sure the land of 'others' serves its purpose...as does this place here.
this place is mine.
virtually unshared...open to a select few...
the place where i can be all i wish to be...and choose not to be that which is expected of me.
it's comforting.

its a sofa in front of a crackling fire on a cold winter's evening, wrapped in a favourite fleece blanket.
its french vanilla ice cream and homemade warm dutch apple pie with a cup of cinnamon coffee.
its thunder and lightning storms on a warm summers evening.
its all of those at once.

now i am throwing off the carelessness of youth...to listen to an inconvenient truth...
i need to move, i need to wake up, i need to change...
i've been asleep and i need to wake up...now.

yeah.
exactly.

its my Melissa moment.

breathes all my cares away...
at least for..this moment.
right here.
right now.

and thats the moment that counts.