milestones

yes its a general repost...blow me.

yannow...people say...a name is only a name...and whats in a name...
things of that nature...but in reality...a name is much more important than that.

we watch movies where people running for their lives magically manage to procure new identities for themselves going on their merry way...they never delve into the difficulty of it...its always such a simple thing...or even the witness protection program...which in reality doesn't exist in case you didnt know...

when a woman's life is in danger...and she goes to the sources which are provided for her...they give her another list of prospective helpers...and $350 to start a new life.

they dont tell her in order to get a new social security number, its still linked to your old one.
they dont tell her in order to get her new name its a day in court with loads of other people who are just changing their last names cuz they didnt bother to do it when they got divorced...all looking at her funny cuz she's magically got a new first, middle, last name...
they dont tell her she'll have to carry around the certified court document in order to get a new license, a new social security card...or that she'll have to personally go to every bank in which she has an account...even if she just wants to close the account.
they dont tell her name changes are a matter of public record...which are accessible to everyone willing to do a quick internet search.

they dont tell her the people she went to high school and college with wont talk to her anymore, eventho her face is the same.

they dont tell her when she's finally in a new place with her new name...how difficult it is to remember who you are...and how the first person of the opposite sex she lets in after years of seclusion...leaves because he found a piece of paper with a different name and the same face.

they dont tell her she gets to pretend all those bad things happened to someone else instead of her.
they dont tell her how easy it is to forget whats made her who and what she is...and how she got there...

they send her on her way with a packet and a smile...because its not something they've ever had to do...its not something they've ever had to live thru...so they havent a bloody clue in reality.

they dont tell her any of these things...they make it seem like the movies.

Hi. my name is Samm(antha)
with a double 'm' even.
sometimes people call me 'm m'...and i like it.
and once upon a time i was someone else.
in a different state.
in a different life.

its my new life 7th anniversary...and i just wanted to remember...all the things they didnt tell me...all the things i had to figure out myself...and exactly how far i've come in order to feel safe...and how it finally feels...to actually live.

its a nice change of pace.
to live i mean
instead of...what was before.

i bid you adieu