diatribe of hair

i love the feeling of the hot water washing over me while standing in the steamed bathroom...but i cant stand what water does to my hair.
silly isnt it?
i should be able to enjoy a hot shower.
a pulsating steamy hot shower.
every day of the week.
especially when i have bronchial pneumonia
and i desire the ability to breathe.

you'd think breathing wouldnt be that difficult.
but yannow it is.
im not going to go into depth.
trust me. its disgusting.

maybe i should shave my head
it would completely solve the hair issue.

sometimes...in these sorts of moments...which stem from hair of all things...
it sort of makes me wonder...where exactly i fit in...in this supposed melting pot called the world. yannow?
i dont completely fit in the 'white' world.
im not feeling very pc...well. when am i ever...so bear with me.
and ive never really attempted to fit into the 'black' world.
cuz i have absolutely no desire to learn blackanese or ebonics or whatever it is.
i dont hold white people responsible for slavery...
ive read the books. ive studied the history.
and while i doubt i'll...or anyone for that matter will ever completely know the whole story of how those sorts of things came about...i do know...some of the people who wound up in this country...enslaved...were sold by their own people.
*shakes head*
ya i cant completely wrap my brain around that either.

i wish...the world was more...well melty than it is.
it would be nice if racism didnt exist...but thats not reality and i know that.
yet since this is a world full of racism...where exactly do the people fit...who's parents actually werent racist and dipped their bread in other sauces?

im the whitest black person you'll ever meet.
i dun like to identify myself as simply white or simply black.
i hate when theres no 'other' option.
i hate when ppl assume that i consider myself black simply because im half black.
i hate that white people always ask 'what are you'
when i simply want to scream 'human'
i hate when black women give me dirty looks cuz im not as dark as they are.
or because my children look white.
or because my significant other is white.
or because i absofreakinlutely cant stand Malcolm X
or because i dont say 'can i axe you a quesson'

i hate when old hispanic women yell at me in the grocery store cuz i dont know the 'language of my ancestors'...and i have to tell them 'im not spanish'

why do i have to justify who am i
why has it been 30+ years of explanations
why cant i just...be?

what does it matter?
seriously? yannow?
why cant people just be people?
why is it the 'white race', the 'black race', the 'latino/hispanic race', the 'asian race'
why cant the 'race' just be 'human'
cuz ya take off our skin...and we all look the same.
hell ya leave the skin on and we all put on pants one leg at a time. we all eat, drink & crap.
so why cant it be the 'human race'

i think my favourite are christian racists.
uhm. im not even going to pretend i understand that.
guess they never heard the phrase 'God loves variety'
or they never thought about the fact that...
if you believe in God and the bible...
we all came from Adam & Eve...
and since Adam & Eve had Cain, Abel, Seth & girl children left unmentioned...
and Cain killed Abel...which spawned a group of wicked people...
and then there was Noah, his wife & their 3 sons...
which came from Seth...
we all come from Noah as well...
and if you study the history behind the bible...
you'll discover that one of Noah's sons was black.
and Job...was the greatest Oriental in the land.
so we're all a little bit of everything.
so if we hate others...
i suppose we're also hating ourselves now arent we?

and yes. this huge...speculative diatribe came from hair.
cuz part of my hair is white hair...and part of my hair is black hair...
hair dressers shake their head in wonder...not having a clue what to do with it...
part of it gets greasy n oily when left unwashed...
the other part gets dry, brittle & frizzy when washed frequently.
its a no win situation.

just like my place in this world.

i bid you adieu